8 Happenings and Musings During the Lockdown in Nigeria.

For many Nigerians and other people in several countries around the world, year 2020 will forever be in our memories due to the Corona Virus pandemic.
Because of the nature of the spread of the disease, social distancing, self isolation and quarantine are being practiced on a daily basis, and to further reduce the transfer of the disease from person to person, most affected states or communities and in certain cases, the whole of the country, are at the moment, observing a stay-at-home rule or a lock-down.
While the lock-down has helped to curb the spread of this plague to an extent, it has also brought to light, certain happenings that are worth musing on, especially here in Lagos, Nigeria.
Below are 8 observations and musings of mine. Feel free to add yours in the comment section at the end of this read.

1. Majority Still Can’t Comprehend it.
Corona virus is a scam by the government so they can embezzle more money. The one world order government is paying presidents in most countries to install 5G. It is the age of the Antichrist. The white man has done enough atrocities and is seeing God’s anger.
Really?
It is a shame that even the thought wave of some of the elites in the country flows in this direction. While most ordinary citizens have turned philosophers in the theories they remodel from other modified theories and propaganda from other shallow thinkers. A few have however followed what is happening in the rest of the world and extensively sourced for materials that will make them understand better, what COVID-19 is about, its present impact and how to prepare for the unforeseen, should the lock-down extend beyond the present 2-week period.
Lots of people in this part of the world will rather gobble up hearsay than go through the stress of doing one or two findings for themselves.
I had to raise my hands and hold my head in sheer perplexity when a friend connected COVID-19 to the Illuminati.
I think I will ‘unfriend’ you soon.

2. Hunger, Anger and Unrest.
When Lai Mohammed said palliatives in the tune of 100 billion naira has been made available by the Federal Government to assist the poor, he forgot to add that it was more for our northern brothers than those in the locked down states. I wonder why functioning financial Federal government offices are getting burnt lately…what do I know anyway.
I remember watching a video where relief materials were being distributed to hundreds, maybe thousands of individuals who kept stretching their arms upwards and pushing and shoving one another to catch what was being thrown at them from the top of a large truck. It brought to mind, a refugee food scampering scene in the movie ‘Black Hawk Down.’ A sore to the eyes…humans made to act like a reared school of hungry cat fish in a pond when being fed their pellets.
Now we have lots of hungry and angry thugs causing mayhem in Lagos and Ogun States. Bank managers, doctors, traders and cobblers are now on the same vigilante duty roster. No levels. No class here. Heaven helps those who help themselves.
The security forces are busy keeping people locked inside their houses. They cannot keep the thieves away. It is the way I see it…I mean these bad guys were even confident enough to inform a community about their intended arrival.
They even rob at noon. Jesus Christ! A ti wo.

Masquerades who can give a bit of entertainment during this hard time have also lost the backing of their deities. A colleague of theirs was thoroughly beaten. You need to see the way he was begging. This Egungun was not careful. Motto no jam am, na Soldier jam am correct.
The gods may now be afraid of Nigerian soldiers, “Stay indoors,” they say. “These guys are mean.”

3. Husbands now House cats.
Don’t you love cats when they play around at home? When they come close and try to nudge and share part of your body heat, and how they subtly open and close their eyes when you smoothen and ruffle their furs, don’t you just adore these feline cuties?
Yeah. The jungle tigers (husbands) have turned into domestic cats. They are now at home 24/7. There are no late night entrances or several-hour-long business meetings and impromptu travels keeping them away, at least for the time being.
They now ‘purr’ on their wives more and the kids are also aware now that daddy gets touchy for the lamest of reasons.
Take heart little ones. He has always been like that. How could you have known this part of him when he leaves very early in the morning and comes back late at night?
To the real husbands who have stayed true to those marital vows, please take another leap of faith and reaffirm those vows in your mannerism and behaviour towards your wives.

4. Side Chics are Broke.
Queens of Sheba. The ones giving it to the married Solomon(s) on the side.
I know life is a bit hard right now. Manage your deodorant and cosmetics. Manage the little change you have left as best as you can because if you call him, he will hum while replying.
He will stammer and refer to you with names like Mike or Mechanic, or Tunde Ibadan or Nepa…and maybe speak to you in pidgin. He is being watched and listened to and compulsorily cuddling his legal partner too.
I bet she may now know your name and may also be planning with some friends or witches to spell out your doom.

Please be safe young and pretty woman. Your future husband needs you hale, hearty and alive and may as well be closer in arrival than you think.
Beautiful things can still happen after COVID-19. Stay alive.

5. Some Schools will be in Trouble after the Lock-down.
Many notes will be checked – hand writing, neatness, date writing, coma usage, paragraphing, note marking and typos will be succinctly analysed in the checked notes. Yes o.
The parents now have the time. As a matter of fact, it may be the first time some will be trying this exercise. Even the less educated ones will peruse their kids’ notes and may ask a few questions from their wards as regards school as well.
Teachers and school owners, may I suggest that you prepare your houses and put them in order.
Make plans for online lessons, create engaging contents for your students to assist with the pressure this pandemic has inflicted.

Most parents will be resuming school with their kids, with fire and fury as if you were responsible for their misery during COVID-19 Lock down.

6. Idleness and Lots of Sex.
An idle hand is the devil’s workshop. Many good minds have found room to nurse some form of evil at this time because of idleness. Even introverts aren’t pleased with the barrage of alone time the lock-down has provided. It has allowed time wastage, senseless play, fleeting moments of irrelevance, and for every time Baba Risi stares at his wife for 3 seconds or more in this lock down period, she understands that the other room might be the next destination.

It is fun at first…simply some good love making to make up for all those days when he used to get back from the work place, tired and unable to boogie down.
But then this turns into sex and then it becomes so random. Boom boom ciao. Yeah, you can blame the boredom.
I won’t be surprised if vices such as rape and other forms of sexual abuse, make the rounds in the coming days and weeks if this lock-down continues.

7. More Babies in December
‘Corona babies.’ I heard it too. I also heard that the largest manufacturers of condoms in the world haven’t produced a single rubber since February 2020. Hmm. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
An unplanned member of the family may just surface come December and put shame to family planning for good.

Last borns, are you on the same wavelength with me here? It’s alright, I know you’re close to 30. How can anyone come again? Is that what you’re thinking? Okay.

As long as Grandpa is still alive, this lock-down will make him find his long lost erection and Grandma’s libido will surge like the fury of an injured warrior. She may shock you with another junior. Let us kobet…bring your little finger.

8. We can manage without Football.
Messi and C. Ronaldo. What am I saying?

Football lovers. You have amazed me the most.
You have survived without your beloved football. You have not died. Applaud yourselves.

I hear C. Ronaldo has gone back to school. Wise man. I hope he is exceptional in the classroom, the same way he is on the football field.

Moving on, like my baby use to say, I know some of you would love to come out and play the game on the deserted streets. Chai! Bubu has not allowed that to happen – there are soldiers everywhere.

Liverpool fans. What more can I say? For your sake, I hope the Premiership concludes the temporarily suspended season.
I believe none will be able to take the crown from this team even if there are 20 more matches left to play. They’ve been phenomenal this season.
I can’t imagine the level of injustice on Liverpool F.C. if denied this title, especially when it has eluded them for about 29 years or so.
It will be a tragic tale in football history and most importantly, the fans would have to wait a while longer to see something take the shine off Gerrard’s 2014 slip.

Finally my brethren, I’m in the spirit of Sunday already. Wow!
Let us look up to the one who gives light and wisdom and ask Him to teach us how to defeat this evil that has separated us in body but also united us in thought and action.
We saw how it began.
May we witness its end.

AND this one that Kyari has died now ehn, only God knows who is next in that place sef.
Do not think beyond the statement please. I wish everybody well.

Seun Afolabi.